So many New Years resolutions revolve around getting “ healthy ” meaning eating better, exercising more, etc. Well healthy for me means something different- it means having a healthy relationship with my body and treating it with respect. And, in order to do so it means being able to trust my body and feel comfortable in it. Easier said than done….
I’ve always trusted the scale more than my body. I step on it and it spits out a number that I either like or don’t like. I trust it because it’s reliable. Simple. I’ve been told for years though that this quote on quote number is pointless to rely on and tie my self-worth to because it will always be fluctuating throughout the day and changing within a “ range ”. I can’t except a range… I need my body to hit the number I want it to hit EVERY SINGLE TIME, and if it doesn’t I’m in a bad mood and if it does I’m over the moon! Of course I like this cycle and “ trust ” it when I am over the moon and don’t when it puts me in a bad mood.
I’ve known that I need to move away from “ trusting ” the scale over my body, but have never known how. I’ve always seen getting rid of the scale completely as too drastic of a jump and not an option. I would say I’ll keep it but just not weigh myself, but we all know that didn’t last long. I just couldn’t trust that my body AND I had the same goal of sticking to the number I had in my mind. If I got rid of the scale,then I couldn’t always make sure I was “ doing well ”.
I realize that having the scale around has been a large factor in me not being able to trust my body and making me more anxious. For instance, if my number was “ good ” after eating dinner than I could have desert, but I didn’t always want desert, and if it was “ good ” before going to dinner then I could be careless and eat a lot of dinner. I was not tuning into my body and its needs at all.
And so, after years of contemplating giving up the scale, but being way to scared to do so, I decided to start the New Year off by getting rid of it for a week at a time. Yes, this may sound like a small accomplishment but to me its HUGE. I asked my boyfriend to hide it for a week with the rule not to give in to me asking for it.
Since starting on this journey, I’ve been able to tune into my bodies hunger and understand when it is too tired to exercise, instead of exercising because I feel the need to hit a number, and I’ve been more relaxed and in a better mood. Don’t get me wrong, there have been days where I feel like I need the scale and can’t stand the unknown of what “ number ” I am, but I am slowly beginning to trust my body more and understand that it will all be OK! This is all a journey that I am very excited and nervous to have started, even if I am approaching it with baby steps. So far it has been so worth it.